I was on a coaching call yesterday about one of the power tools for coaching: “Trust vs Doubt”. As usual, a great class. I’m enjoying them more and more and feel I’m getting real momentum from the learnings. One of the key learning “takeaways” I got was about the power of words and how our perspective can be changed on something by simply changing how we describe it, or the story we tell ourselves about it. An example was looking at the concept of perfection – if you strive for perfection instead of excellence you can end up doing more damage than good to your goal and your life. On the other hand, seeing the perfection in a situation – seeing how it was brought to you the way it was as a way of helping you learn something valuable about yourself, completely changes the experience of the situation. After the class, I started to reflect on a number of things that had happened to me in the last couple of weeks and started to ask “what am I meant to learn from this? What is this trying to show me about myself?” Not easy to do, yet the excercise helped me see the people and circumstances very differently, and helped me see myself very differently. It opened my eyes to things I need to heal and strengths I have and some I need to work on. My self awareness has definitely been raised a bit as a result. This is one of the benefits of the ICA experience – in the process of achieving the goal of completing my certification, I am developing as a person in ways I wasn’t even aware of before I started.
Results Coaching Model
April 8, 2007 at 3:05 pm (My Coaching Journey)
RESULTS Model
Reflect on the current situation and determine what the desired change is;
Explore the options and ways to achieve the desired result and to think through possibilities for change;
Support and encourage taking action and moving forward to the desired future state;
Uncover blocks along the way that come up and work through any setbacks;
Leverage the learnings along the road to the goal and the personal strengths that helped achieve the wins;
Take action with every session to achieve each step necessary to move forward;
Sustain the changes that come from achieving the desired results.
Catherine Meyer, Coach - Life Unlimited catherine.meyer@sympatico.ca
Syncronicity in class…
April 3, 2007 at 8:41 pm (My Coaching Journey)
Last week I attended 2 classes that connected with 2 related issues that have been challenging me lately. It was very timely in a strange sort of way to call into a class and hear the leader and other participants talk about issues that were so clearly on my mind at that time.
On the first call, Angela Bird lead a very insightful discussion about how to make the most of your coaching practice, and she talked about specializing to find your niche and to focus on coaching in areas that you feel passionate about. The greatest takeaway I got from it was to “not go down the rabbit hole” of comparing myself to someone else’s success – or perceived success as a coach and worrying about all the competition. If I focus on what I know and what I want to do and pursue it with genuine passion, I won’t have to worry about competition. If I am good at what I am doing, I will have no problem attracting clients. This was exactly what I needed to hear at that point. Late that night I was on another call and one of the participants was discussing a situation with a client where she was having trouble keeping the client on track with her goals because her life was so busy. The situation mirrored my own life so I listened, not only for the learning as a coach, but also as a client. Everyone on the call had interesting perspectives to offer this student on how to coach her client through this challenge. I found myself also offering a couple of ideas based on what I think I need to do. One idea that was most powerful for me was when someone offered, “maybe this isn’t the right time for her to be pursuing that particular goal, if her life is so full of other obligations and interests right now.” In that moment it felt like someone had hit me between the eyes. I found myself mirroring the question to myself: “Is this the right time for me to be pursuing this? As soon as I told myself I didn’t HAVE to do it, that it was ok to stop and just go on with life as it was, I felt an imediate release of pressure, followed by a very centred feeling that I wanted to continue because this was important to me. Knowing I could give it up helped me realize how important it really was to me. I discussed this with my peer coach at our next session and she suggested that I spend some quiet time writing about all the reasons I want to be a coach and why I think I am good at it. That process also reinforced the learnings from the 2 teleclasses. Looking forward to my next class!
More reflections on Reacting VS Responding
March 28, 2007 at 7:55 pm (My Coaching Journey)
I learned a very powerful lesson this week about responding vs reacting to a situation. This one is a bit personal, but part of this learning process is to speak up when you fall down so here I go…
I was out with my partner a few days ago and something happened that triggered a negative feeling in me about something I was upset about and hadn’t yet discussed with him. Even as I told myself to hold back and not speak up when I was feeling this upset, I let it out anyway. This triggered a reaction in him that I didn’t want, and I then reacted to his reaction and in the end the situation was made so much worse by the way we both reacted to each other. If I had listened to my inner voice and stopped and thought about what I wanted to say, I would have said it in a way that sought to promote understanding and build the relationship instead of sounding critical, which put him on the defensive – and then the offensive.
Thinking through this experience, I have really seen how reacting vs responding has such powerful implications for relationships. If I deal with my relationship conflicts by reacting to the other person, the conflict just escalates, with each person trying to prove how right we are or how wrong the other person is and the conflict can deteriorate from being about an issue to being about attacking who the other person is. It is hard to recover from that. On the other hand, the conversation takes a whole different tone if I step back to reflect on my own feelings and where they are coming from. If I stop to think about how I want to communicate what is concerning me in a way that seeks to build understanding and awareness about what each other’s pain points are and what we would like from each other to help heal, then the conflict can actually help move the relationship forward instead of tearing it down. I know that there are going to be times that I still “react” to a situation. I am now, however, more aware of my reactions than before, and this will more often translate into a response that honors me and how I want to relate to people.
Reflections on Power Tools
March 15, 2007 at 3:21 pm (My Coaching Journey)
I started my coaching certification a couple of years ago and had a few detours along the way. I am now back on track and have started this blog as part of the graduation requirements although I also find it to be a great way to express my thoughts and connect with others. In this category I will reflect on some learnings and observations about the Power Tools module. This is a module that offers some “tools” for helping coaching clients move forward with their goals, to help people take control of their lives. Reading about them was interesting and informative. Yesterday, on a coaching call, I admitted to the group that this was probably the hardest module I have ever gone through. The session was about Responding vs Reacting, and I have really had a difficult time working through some of the questions about how and when I react and what might be a better response to a situation. Intellectually I understand the difference between the two and the power of responding. When I have used it recently I have found that it does make a difference in resolving conflict and getting what I want, and it left me with a sense of freedom from being hooked in to the situation. At first when I did the exercises I found myself ironically resisting and “reacting” to the questions. I had to sit back and ask myself why I was feeling this way. I think part of it is that we tend to go about our lives on auto pilot, reacting to situations as they come up. I know that it is rare that I would actually stop and think about what was happening, detach myself and then choose a response. Life moves so quickly and demands immediate action. I am so used to doing this that when I was asked to stop and think about something it was so foreign to how I resolve problems that it frustrated me at first. Now I am opening up to the learning and accepting and working with whatever emotions come up in these exercises. Responding to the answers fully will only make me a better coach. I would love to know if anyone else out there in the ICA community had similar ”reactions” to answering any of the Power Tool discussion or reflection questions. How did you work with it? Thanks!
More About Gremlins
March 5, 2007 at 5:41 pm (Goals and Dreams)
This is becoming a favorite topic of late as I have been dealing with some serious gremlins myself. It is somewhat ironic that I have been able to coach other people through periods of “gremlin attacks” as they persue a goal, or try to change their life in some significant way, and yet my own gremlins seem to have come up out of the recesses of my mind and are fully engaged in an all out attack on my own dreams. Thoughts ranging from fear of not making enough money to feeling overwhelmed by the long journey ahead have hit me like a two-by-four. What happened to the confident wisdom and child-like enthusiasm I had a few weeks ago? How do I get it back? Time perhaps to heed some of my own advice.
I did some soul searching over the weekend and realized that some of my fear may be coming from a past experience that I may be unwittingly projecting on my current situation. To help myself overcome these doubts and fears, I have taken a few steps that were helpful:
1. I talked it out with someone I trusted. Speaking about your fears out loud to someone who will listen and be supportive can be very powerful in shrinking your fear.
2. I started to think about what I could focus on doing that was within my control and that would move me positively – even a little-in the direction I want to go in.
3. I am practicing bringing my focus into the present moment and enjoying what it has to offer. I am also focusing on what is in front of me that I can handle and feel good about accomplishing and thinking less about the volume of work that is still in front of me longer term.
For inspiration, I reflect on a story my mother told me about how she was hiking with my 5 year old niece while on a camping trip and they reached a steep hill that my mother wanted them to climb. My niece looked up at the hill and started to complain that she would never be able to climb such a big hill. Instead of letting her off the hook, my mother asked her if she could climb to the first rock a few meters up. When they reached the rock, she pointed to some flowers a few more meters up. My mother continued to do this - having my niece focus on something in front of her that was a shorter distance that she felt she could reach. Along the way they rested a couple of times and my mother pointed out how far up they had gone. When she made it to the top, my niece was so amazed and proud of herself and couldn’t believe she had climbed the entire height of the hill.
It is so easy to get overwhelmed by all we think we have to accomplish to attain a lofty goal, especially a life changing one. By concentrating on the smaller steps in front of us and giving ourselves the time we need to rest and take care of ourselves, we can achieve what we didn’t think was possible.
I think back to other times I thought I couldn’t do something and I focused on what was in front of me and took the small steps, pacing myself to achieve a goal. It works as long as you don’t give up. Looking back on your life – what have you done that at one point you never thought you would be able to do? When was the last time you did something you didn’t think you could?
Trying To Do Too Much
February 28, 2007 at 6:13 pm (Goals and Dreams)
Sometimes when we pursue a dream with energy and enthusiasm, particularly if it is a dream we have put off and now want to resurrect, we can get caught up in a feeling of needing to “make up for lost time.” This may show up in overcommitment to very aggressive goals and time-lines to achieve what we want, possibly at the expense of other things or people that are important in our lives – maybe even our own health.
There is nothing wrong with pursuing a goal with a single mindedness of purpose if you are passionate about what you want. For some, this is how they achieve what they want in life. Others need a balanced approach.
I recently learned a valuable lesson for myself in the pursuit of my goal of becoming a certified coach. I set this goal a couple of years ago and registered with a coaching school (ICA) to complete my coaching certification. I did this to learn more about coaching and ensure that I was equipped with the tools and capabilities to be an effective coach. I set goals for myself to complete the certification and build my coaching practice.
In the year and a half after my initial commitment, I underwent some significant personal and professional upsets and did not stick to the schedule I had set for myself to complete the certification. At a couple of points I abandoned it almost altogether. After loosing my job recently I recommitted to the process and started to attend classes again. By this time a number of things had changed at ICA , including graduation requirements. I had to reacquaint myself with the program and understand what the new requirements were and integrate them into my goals. At this point I found myself feeling overwhelmed by all the changes, as well as my own sense of lost time, knowing that I missed the target date I had given myself for completing the certification. My response was to load up as much of my free time as possible to attend classes and complete other requirements in a frantic attempt to make up for lost time. One evening, while participating in a teleclass, I realized I wasn’t really “there”. I had experience a particularly stressful day at work and my energy was at a really low point. I realized that in my efforts to ”catch up” I had joined the teleclass to get it done, and wasn’t fully present to participate and take in the learnings I was supposed to be there for. After the class I sat quietly with myself and thought about my goal. Why did I join ICA and why was I wanting to be a certified coach? As I got clear about that, I realized that in my frantic efforts to “catch up” I wasn’t being present for the learnings that were at the heart of my goals in the first place. I was going through the motions to get to some final destination without embracing the process that was critical to how I would complete my goal.
I have now taken a step back to re-connect with my goal and approach it with more care for myself and the learning process. It may take me a bit longer, but I have to be ok with that or else I will end up back on a cycle of plowing through tasks just to get them done instead of being present in what I am doing and learning along the way.
I also learned the importance of “down time” – giving myself time and space to relax, enjoy myself and just have quiet time scheduled instead of feeling like I constantly have to be doing something or I won’t be productive.
It can be challenging to pursue goals, while still trying to live your normal life, go to your job, deal with your home life and relationships, and still take care of yourself. For me I am finding that as long as I stay on the path, focus on what I am learning and keep my dream in front of me, I will get there. Along the way I need to honor myself, take care of myself and have some fun and rest in the process. We all get there in different ways. Good luck on your path!
What Stops You From Going For Your Dreams
February 21, 2007 at 3:12 am (Goals and Dreams)
I’m sure many of you will recognize this scenario – it happens to most of us at least once in our lives when we set out to achieve a dream. It also plays out in many ”New Years Resolutions” . We get stuck, we talk ourselves out of our dreams for numerous reasons. We rationalize or we just stop trying. To get yourself moving in the right direction and pull yourself out of the cycle of sabotage, you must first be conscious of what you are doing to get in the way of what you want. Here are some common reasons we give ourselves for not living our dreams:
I’m too old to change now
We live under the illusion that dreams are for the young. I personally know many people who sought after and achieved something they dreamed of after they “retired” or after they did the things they thought they were supposed to do in life. One of my favorite lines in “The Artist’s Way” is when the author describes how one person reacted when encouraged to pursue a dream: “Do you know how old I will be by the time I learn to play the piano?” The answer given was “The same age you will be if you don’t”. Time will go by whether we spend it pursuing our dreams or not. Live for the adventure of doing it.
I need more money
You may be thinking of a more independent lifestyle or owning your own business and the thought of financial instability stops you in your tracks. Think about what you need and plan your dream out over a period of time to allow you to transition in a way that won’t be such a dramatic change for you financially. If you think you can do it, by all means take the leap! To think you can’t leap at all may be another “gremlin” you are dealing with, telling you to play it safe. Put it in it’s place. Sometimes just the process of planning out your dreams can make them seem more possible. Once you start, new opportunities may open up for you in ways you haven’t even thought of. Take a chance.
I’m afraid of change
You may have tried to make changes in the past that didn’t work out for you. Perhaps you tried a new job, made a career move or took a chance on something you wanted and it didn’t turn out the way you expected and now you are reluctant to try again. Fear can be a very powerful motivator to stay in your comfort zone. A coach once told me that basing your future on experiences from your past is like driving while looking in the rear view mirror. The best way to use the past is as a lesson to help you move forward.
I don’t have time
It is easy to get so focused on your day to day life that you don’t even stop to think about what you really want. You may be spending so much time making a living that you don’t really have a life. Think about how you spend your time and what you commit yourself to. Taking even one hour a week to move your dream closer to reality will make a difference. No one has the time to pursue their dreams, they have to make the time.
People may not approve of my dream
Whether we realize it or not, approval is important to us. Fear of rejection can drive us right back into our comfort zone where life is familiar and we think we won’t be judged or stand out too much. You have the right to do what makes you happy. It is your life, and as long as you aren’t hurting anyone, including yourself, the risk is worth it. I have heard that as people approach the end of their lives, they don’t regret what they have done, they regret what they have not done. Ultimately only you can decide what you want and what you will do to achieve it.
Nurturing Goals and Dreams
February 11, 2007 at 8:45 pm (Goals and Dreams)
I recently read an article written by Wendy Betterini that used the analogy of growing plants in it’s description of how to nurture goals and dreams. This resonated with me because I have tended to use this myself when talking about relationships. (If you don’t water a plant, it will die – so will a relationship if you don’t “water it” regularly) I was also inspired by “The Secret” to create a post about keeping your dreams in front of you because the universe will respond to what you are predominantly focused on. So, I thought this would be a good opening post for me as I find I am at a point in my own dream quest that I need to re-commit to my goals and shrink a few gremlins that have taken up residence in my mind. So hear are some thoughts on how to nurture goals:
I personally believe that one of the most significant things we can do to honour ourselves and our lives is to make a conscious effort to nurture our dreams. Everything in life that is alive grows when it is nurtured (yes – including relationships and plants!) and we keep our dreams alive and growing by giving them the care and attention they need. So here are some steps to consider as you think about your own dreams and what is important to keep them alive:
Provide a fertile foundation- Like planting flowers in bad soil, if you plant your dreams in a heart and mind that are weighed down with negativity or doubt, they will not be able to thrive properly. Removing or minimize your doubt and fear will create the foundation you need to grow.
Feed them – Treat your dreams as something precious and close to your heart. Hold them in a place of prominence in your thoughts and actions daily. The more encouragement you give them, them more they will grow.
Water them – In dreams, water often represents emotion. Give as much emotional feeling to your dreams as possible. This gives them energy and form and drives you to achieve them. Visualize the outcome of your dreams and infuse it with emotion. Feel the joy and satisfaction of realizing your dreams. This will give you the power to make them real.
Give them light- Inspiration and optimism are the light that your dreams need to grow. Guard them against negativity. Honour your dreams no matter what anyone else thinks of them. Hold them in high regard and keep a positive light shining on them and watch them flourish.
Prune them – Dreams and goals change over time. Sometimes we realize that dreams we had years ago no longer serve us and others do. Periodically, take time to re-evaluate your dreams and goals. Decide if any aspects need to be “pruned away” or revised. Goal setting is an ongoing process of evaluation and adjustment, which serves to help us stay on course with what we really want.
Give them room to grow – One of the things that pruning does is create more room for the dreams you have held to grow even bigger. As you re-examine your goals, you may also want to ask if your original goals were possibly self limiting in some way, or perhaps you held back out of fear or hesitation. With some experience moving in the direction of your goal you may have learned some things and have more confidence in what you are capable of. Once you dreams begin to grow and take shape they will expand and fill the space you have provided for them. At that point you may need to readjust to make more room for them to expand even further.
Good luck, and happy planting!
