Life Unlimited

This is becoming a favorite topic of late as I have been dealing with some serious gremlins myself.  It is somewhat ironic that I have been able to coach other people through periods of “gremlin attacks” as they persue a goal, or try to change their life in some significant way, and yet my own gremlins seem to have come up out of the recesses of my mind and are fully engaged in an all out attack on my own dreams.  Thoughts ranging from fear of not making enough money to feeling overwhelmed by the long journey ahead have hit me like a two-by-four.   What happened to the confident wisdom and child-like enthusiasm I had a few weeks ago?  How do I get it back?  Time perhaps to heed some of my own advice.

I did some soul searching over the weekend and realized that  some of my fear may be coming from a past experience that I may be unwittingly projecting on my current situation.  To help myself overcome these doubts and fears, I have taken a few steps that were helpful:

1.  I talked it out with someone I trusted.  Speaking about your fears out loud to someone who will listen and be supportive can be very powerful in shrinking your fear.

2. I started to think about what I could focus on doing that was within my control and that would move me positively – even a little-in the direction I want to go in.

3.  I am practicing bringing my focus into the present moment and enjoying what it has to offer.  I am also focusing on what is in front of me that I can handle and feel good about accomplishing and  thinking less about the volume of work that is still in front of me longer term. 

For inspiration, I reflect on a story my mother told me about how she was hiking with my 5 year old niece while on a camping trip and they reached a steep hill that my mother wanted them to climb.  My niece looked up at the hill and started to complain that she would never be able to climb such a big hill.  Instead of letting her off the hook, my mother asked her if she could climb to the first rock a few meters up.  When they reached the rock, she pointed to some flowers a few more meters up.  My mother continued to do this -  having my niece focus on something in front of her that was a shorter distance that she felt she could reach.  Along the way they rested a couple of times and my mother pointed out how far up they had gone.  When she made it to the top, my niece was so amazed and proud of herself and couldn’t believe she had climbed the entire height of the hill.   

It is so easy to get overwhelmed by all we think we have to accomplish to attain a lofty goal, especially a life changing one.  By concentrating on the smaller steps in front of us and giving ourselves the time we need to rest and take care of ourselves, we can achieve what we didn’t think was possible.

I think back to other times I thought I couldn’t do something and I focused on what was in front of me and took the small steps, pacing myself to achieve a goal.  It works as long as you don’t give up.  Looking back on your life – what have you done that at one point you never thought you would be able to do?  When was the last time you did something you didn’t think you could?

Sometimes when we pursue a dream with energy and enthusiasm, particularly if it is a dream we have put off and now want to resurrect, we can get caught up in a feeling of needing to “make up for lost time.”   This may show up in overcommitment to very aggressive goals and time-lines to achieve what we want, possibly at the expense of other things or people that are important in our lives – maybe even our own health. 

There is nothing wrong with pursuing a goal with a single mindedness of purpose if you are passionate about what you want.  For some, this is how they achieve what they want in life.  Others need a balanced approach.   

I recently learned a valuable lesson for myself in the pursuit of my goal of becoming a certified coach.  I set this goal a couple of years ago and registered with a coaching school (ICA) to complete my coaching certification.  I did this to learn more about coaching and ensure that I was equipped with the tools and capabilities to be an effective coach.  I set goals for myself to complete the certification and build my coaching practice.  

In the year and a half after my initial commitment,  I underwent some significant personal and professional upsets and did not stick to the schedule I had set for myself to complete the certification.  At a couple of points I abandoned it almost altogether.   After loosing my job recently I recommitted to the process and started to attend classes again.  By this time a number of things had changed at ICA , including graduation requirements.  I had to reacquaint myself with the program and understand what the new requirements were and integrate them into my goals.  At this point I found myself feeling overwhelmed by all the changes, as well as my own sense of lost time, knowing that I missed the target date I had given myself for completing the certification.  My response was to load up as much of my free time as possible to attend classes and complete other requirements in a frantic attempt to make up for lost time.   One evening, while participating in a teleclass, I realized I wasn’t really “there”.  I had experience a particularly stressful day at work and my energy was at a really low point.  I realized that in my efforts to ”catch up”  I had joined the teleclass to get it done, and wasn’t fully present to participate and take in the learnings I was supposed to be there for.  After the class I sat quietly with myself and thought about my goal.  Why did I join ICA and why was I wanting to be a certified coach?  As I got clear about that, I realized that in my frantic efforts to “catch up” I wasn’t being present for the learnings that were at the heart of my goals in the first place.   I was going through the motions to get to some final destination without embracing the process that was critical to how I would complete my goal.

I have now taken a step back to re-connect with my goal and approach it with more care for myself and the learning process.  It may take me a bit longer, but I have to be ok with that or else I will end up back on a cycle of plowing through tasks just to get them done instead of being present in what I am doing and learning along the way. 

I also learned the importance of “down time”  – giving myself time and space to relax, enjoy myself and just have quiet time scheduled instead of  feeling like I constantly have to be doing something or I won’t be productive.  

It can be challenging to pursue goals, while still trying to live your normal life,  go to your job,  deal with your home life and relationships, and still take care of yourself.   For me I am finding that as long as I stay on the path, focus on what I am learning and keep my dream in front of me, I will get there.  Along the way I need to honor myself, take care of myself and have some fun and rest in the process.   We all get there in different ways.  Good luck on your path!

I’m sure many of you will recognize this scenario – it happens to most of us  at least once in our lives when we set out to achieve a dream.  It also plays out in many ”New Years Resolutions” .    We get stuck, we talk ourselves out of our dreams for numerous reasons.  We rationalize or we just stop trying.  To get yourself moving in the right direction and pull yourself out of the cycle of sabotage, you must first be conscious of what you are doing to get in the way of what you want.  Here are some common reasons we give ourselves for not living our dreams:

I’m too old to change now

We live under the illusion that dreams are for the young.  I personally know many people who sought after and achieved something they dreamed of  after they  “retired” or after they did the things they thought they were supposed to do in life.  One of my favorite lines in “The Artist’s Way” is when the author describes how one person reacted when encouraged to pursue a dream: “Do you know how old I will be by the time I learn to play the piano?”  The answer given was “The same age you will be if you don’t”.  Time will go by whether we spend it pursuing our dreams or not.  Live for the adventure of doing it. 

I need more money

You may be thinking of a more independent lifestyle or owning your own business and the thought of  financial instability stops you in your tracks.  Think about what you need and plan your dream out over a period of time to allow you to transition in a way that won’t be such a dramatic change for you financially.  If you think you can do it, by all means take the leap!  To think you can’t leap at all may be another “gremlin” you are dealing with, telling you to play it safe.  Put it in it’s place.  Sometimes just the process of planning out your dreams can make them seem more possible.  Once you start, new opportunities may open up for you in ways you haven’t even thought of.  Take a chance.

I’m afraid of change

You may have tried to make changes in the past that didn’t work out for you.  Perhaps you tried a new job, made a career move or took a chance on something you wanted and it didn’t turn out the way you expected and now you are reluctant to try again.  Fear can be a very powerful motivator to stay in your comfort zone.  A coach once told me that basing your future on experiences from your past is like driving while looking in the rear view mirror.  The best way to use the past is as a lesson to help you move forward.

I don’t have time

It is easy to get so focused on your day to day life that you don’t even stop to think about what you really want.  You may be spending so much time making a living that you don’t really have a life.  Think about how you spend your time and what you commit yourself to.  Taking even one hour a week to move your dream closer to reality will make a difference.  No one has the time to pursue their dreams, they have to make the time.

People may not approve of my dream

Whether we realize it or not, approval is important to us. Fear of rejection can drive us right back into our comfort zone where life is familiar and we think we won’t be judged or stand out too much.  You have the right to do what makes you happy.  It is your life, and as long as you aren’t hurting anyone, including yourself, the risk is worth it.   I have heard that as people approach the end of their lives, they don’t regret what they have done, they regret what they have not done.  Ultimately only you can decide what you want and what you will do to achieve it.

I recently read an article written by Wendy Betterini that used the analogy of growing plants in it’s description of how to nurture goals and dreams.  This resonated with me because I have tended to use this myself when talking about relationships. (If you don’t water a plant, it will die – so will a relationship if you don’t “water it” regularly)  I was also inspired by “The Secret” to create a post about keeping your dreams in front of you because the universe will respond to what you are predominantly focused on.  So,  I thought this would be a good opening post for me as I find I am at a point in my own dream quest that I need to re-commit to my  goals and shrink a few gremlins that have taken up residence in my mind.  So hear are some thoughts on how to nurture goals:

I personally believe that one of the most significant things we can do to honour ourselves and our lives is to make a conscious effort to nurture our dreams.  Everything in life that is alive grows when it is nurtured (yes – including relationships and plants!) and we keep our dreams alive and growing by giving them the care and attention they need.   So here are some steps to consider as you think about your own dreams and what is important to keep them alive:

Provide a fertile foundation- Like planting flowers in bad soil, if you plant your dreams in a heart and mind that are weighed down with negativity or doubt, they will not be able to thrive properly.   Removing or minimize your doubt and fear will create the foundation you need to grow.

Feed them – Treat your dreams as something precious and close to your heart.  Hold them in a place of prominence in your thoughts and actions daily.  The more encouragement you give them, them more they will grow.

 Water them – In dreams, water often represents emotion.  Give as much emotional feeling to your dreams as possible.  This gives them energy and form and drives you to achieve them.  Visualize the outcome of your dreams and infuse it with emotion.  Feel the joy and satisfaction of realizing your dreams.  This will give you the power to make them real.

Give them light- Inspiration and optimism are the light that your dreams need to grow.  Guard them against negativity.  Honour your dreams no matter what anyone else thinks of them.  Hold them in high regard and keep a positive light shining on them and watch them flourish.

Prune them – Dreams and goals change over time.  Sometimes we realize that dreams we had years ago no longer serve us and others do.  Periodically, take time to  re-evaluate your dreams and goals.  Decide if any aspects need to be “pruned away” or revised.    Goal setting is an ongoing process of evaluation and adjustment, which serves to help us stay on course with what we really want.

Give them room to grow –  One of the things that pruning does is create more room for the dreams you have held to grow even bigger.  As you re-examine your goals, you may also want to ask if your original goals were possibly self limiting in some way, or perhaps you held back out of fear or hesitation.  With some experience moving in the direction of your goal you may have learned some things and have more confidence in what you are capable of.  Once you dreams begin to grow and take shape they will expand  and fill the space you have provided for them.  At that point you may need to readjust to make more room for them to expand even further. 

Good luck, and happy planting!