In the last weeks I have noticed a certain pattern where I connect with people who I intend to help with something – advice, coaching – and they end up helping me. One was during an ICA teleclass, one was in a coaching situation with a client and one in a casual discussion with a friend. In each case it has been because the issue or challenge that they presented was something I am personally struggling with. In the process I found that I listened not only to understand them, but also for clues to my own challenges. I found that the questions I asked to help them uncover their solution or truth were also guiding me to my own. The more I explore coaching, the more I find powerful ways of exploring how to either change areas of a person’s life that are not serving them, or to help someone stay the course once they have committed to doing something that will enhance their lives in significant ways. Learning also sometimes comes in the most unexpected ways.
When to let go of a client
June 11, 2007 at 8:25 pm (My Coaching Journey)
Everyone who has ever coached someone, offered advice, or otherwise tried to help a friend, family member or colleague has probably faced this dilema at least once – trying to help someone who does not want to be helped. In my case, the help was originally sought after and then the person backed down out of fear and now claims that the issue for which they needed my help doesn’t really exist and the situation was blown out of proportion.
It is frustrating to be in a position where you know you can help someone overcome a difficulty or ease a suffering, or break through a barrier, and they make a decision for whatever reason to back away from the help that they need.
I have learned through my coaching journey that we need to respect the decisions of our clients even when we think they are on the wrong course, that we can’t impose our values on others and sometimes we have to respect choices they make that we know will hurt them. Easier said than done when you are in the middle of it.
I am dealing with my particular situation by making sure I have done everything to make myself available to the client if they change their mind and by giving them the space to do what they want. Part of me wants to jump in and “rescue” the person. Under the circumstances it would likely blow up in my face. I’m not an easy “detatcher” so this, I think, will be one of the hardest things for me as a coach.
